Underwear Matters

It was hot last night.

So hot that at 4:00am, I used my left elbow to support myself as I rolled out of bed. Once standing, I slipped my left hand inside the elastic waistband of my pajama pants, then shimmied left and right, until they collapsed in a heap on my floor. In the dark, their baby-blue color created a patch of light on the deep green carpet. My untanned legs, as well as my white and blue boy-shorts flashed about as I opened my bedroom door, and walked down the hallway to the bathroom.

I have a weakness for cute underwear (don't ever use the most un-sexy word, panties, to describe them). During my first trip to a mall after living out of a backpack for two months, I asked my father to park my wheelchair at Victoria's Secret. I figured that plenty of people had seen my underwear in Argentina, and many more would see them in the US, so I might as well use the fall as an excuse to buy cute and colorful, full coverage boy-shorts.

During the first few days after I fell, and again right after my operations, I was forced to use bedpans to pee. At times this proved so humiliating that my body would refuse to pee, or I would grit through excruciating pain, in the name of stubborn pride, just to stand and walk to a toilet.

When I returned to the hostel in Mendoza with Larissa, I relied on her to help me use the bathroom. I couldn't sit or stand without assistance, nor could I pull up my own pants or underwear with one hand. Larissa was an angel and made every effort to help me! It was hot at night and, after living with me for over a year, Larissa was well aware of the fact that I hate wearing clothes to bed. So every night she helped me strip down to my underwear before turning in. Problems only occurred when Larissa was asleep and I needed to pee, take a pain pill, or leave the bed for any reason.

Our room was a dorm shared with eight other people, mostly guys. Hostels generally aren't epicenters of privacy, guys never seem to mind when girls sleep in their underwear, and after the fall I had everyone's sympathies, so no one cared about what I did or did not wear. In fact, everyone was very attentive to my needs and behaved as my caretakers whenever Larissa slept or went out to do errands.

Jimmy, a young Australian, slept in the bunk across from mine. Whenever I was awake he would ask if I needed anything. It took some courage, but after the third time he offered assistance, I asked if he could help me put on pants and a shirt, then go out to eat some breakfast. He was a wonderful helper, giving me color choices for my shirt, and making jokes while blushing slightly as he buttoned my pants. Later that day, I asked him to unbutton my pants so I could shimmy out of them and use the bathroom.

Back in the United States and under the care of my parents, I have opted to wear pajamas to bed every night, except last of course. Even so, many people have caught a glimpse of my underwear, making me not regret asking my father to wait outside the VS store at the mall. In truth, I was so weak after standing for a few minutes and perusing my options of color and lace, that my father had to push my wheelchair into the store and help me pay for my purchases.

As I think about it, the $25 I spent at Victoria's Secret may be the best money I have spent since I fell (fine, doctor's co-pays and fees maybe prove more worthwhile in the long run). While I can now use the bathroom by myself, those underwear have saved me from being embarrassed as x-ray technicians positioned my pelvis, doctors examined my hip, nurses helped me dress after each operation, my sister and mother helped me prepare for a shower, etc.

Today is my first day alone in my parent's house. I was a little scared as yesterday was difficult after having my eye unstitched, but all is well. I slept all morning, then called Boston University to talk to them about visiting on Friday. By then I should be feeling better and able to ride in a car for a few hours.


Some thoughts:

-Eating ice-cream with one hand is difficult but really satisfying.

-Being alone in the house is nice cause I can wear my underwear everywhere.

-I am a little scared to meet potential professors and fellow students while I am on narcotics, get nauseous frequently, and have one eye that is swollen shut and bleeds occasionally.

-The last few days have really beat me down. I am so tired of pain and hate living for the small reprieve offered by medicine.

-I dropped my film off at a studio in NYC yesterday and will pick up my prints and negatives on Thursday.

-Also on Thursday, I'll be having about 30 stitches removed from my hand and a new cast put on.

Time to nap. Love you all and again thanks for reading!